Breaking Dawn Bellas Pregnancy in her Perspective
by I really love Twilight
Summary: This story is in Bellas perspective after she finds out she is pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

I didn't speak to Edward the whole way home I didn't trust my words enough to speak. He knew something was wrong as a stared out of the window the whole plane ride home, I was too nervous to sleep. We finally made it to Seattle. Edward was almost dragging me through the airport as I went to get our bags I was so tired and sad I didn't care. Then I saw them 6 vampires still as statues as we walked towards them.

It was Esme who recovered first she smiled at me compassionately. I didn't deserve her compassion not with what I was about to put my new family through with the choice to keep my little nudger. Rosalie opened her arms and I surprised myself as I hugged her and instantly began sobbing. I knew I should be stronger pull myself together but I just couldn't I continued on sobbing. I am sure my new vampire family all shared worried glances but I didn't care, I was so scared, scared for my baby, scared for the chance that I might die, and scared about the challenges I would put my new family through. Rosalie started gently rubbing my back in soft round circles but it didn't help I couldn't stop sobbing.I am not sure how long I stood there, but the next thing I knew I was being picked up by Edward and carried to his Volvo. Edward pulled me into the back seat and Carlisle drove with Rosalie sat in the passenger seat. I knew I was putting Edward in pain letting him see me like this but the truth is I couldn't help it.

I am not sure what happened next, but I woke up and found myself in Edwards room in the big bed he bought for us last year. Slowly I remembered the events of yesterday and I promised myself Edward would not see me cry again I would have to be strong I couldn't show any signs of weakness. They must have heard the change in my breathing and knew that I woke up because in that second I found myself in a room with seven vampires all of them staring at me. At that point, I wondered what the room felt like to Jasper from there faces I could tell there was a mix of worry, pain, and anger. It was Carlisle who spoke first he began with methodical questing that was easy enough for me to answer.

"When did you first show signs of pregnancy?" He asked me curiously

"The second day of our honeymoon I started getting really weird vivid nightmares." I saw Edward face a rise in alarm he quickly tried to recover his expression but I could still see the alarm across his face.

"Was that the first symptom?" Carlisle questioned.

"Yes, that was the first. The next few came together I was really hungry eating a lot more than I usually would and I was eating foods I usually wouldn't eat." I couldn't help but smile at the number of eggs I had eaten, no one else shared my smile they were all waiting for me to continue.

"I was sleeping a lot so I was always tired. The vivid dreams kept me from having a good nights sleep. I cried a lot too at weird things. I was always emotional, it wasn't until a week ago that I started throwing up. I thought that it was food poisoning-" The look on Carlisle's face told me to stop.

"Food poisoning?"

"Yes, when Edwards went to the mainland to hunt I woke up and I was hungry so I found some chicken in the fridge and cooked it" I felt silly explaining this in front of everyone but I continued. "I was so hungry I ate it out of the pan and it burnt my throat so I couldn't taste it but then I did and it tasted bad so I threw it out. It was after that when I felt sick."

Carlisle nodded as if he was contemplating something. I didn't like being the center of attention and everyone's staring was making me nervous. I really just wanted time alone with Edward so I could talk to him and explain things but the look on Rosalie's face suggested otherwise, in fact by the look on everyone's face there was no way I would be left also for a minute. I figured as long as the questions were to continue I should get out of bed and get dressed I looked down and found myself in unfamiliar pajamas. I was slightly confused when someone had put these on me and how I had not noticed but this was my least concern. I started to swing my legs around the bed when I felt that same pain in my stomach earlier. There was no time for me to run to the bathroom. Thankfully Edward had seen me throw up enough times this past week so he was able to get me a bin to throw up in fast enough. I threw up violently and it hurt. Edward patted me on the back.

"It's alright Bella it's going to be alright." He tried to comfort me.

"Bella, do you feel well enough to come into my office? I would like to talk to you alone."

"That's not happening," Rosalie said through gritted teeth.

"That's for Bella to decide," Carlisle said. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was a little angry at Rosalie's comment.

"I am okay. Sorry about earlier." I apologized.

Then I heard several people tell me there was no need to be sorry.

Edward offered his hand and helped me up.

"I will need a few human minutes first," I told Carlisle.

He smiled. "That's fine Bella. I will meet you in my office."

I got up and left my family and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was a mess my hair was tangled my skin looked terrible. I decided that the best thing to do would be to get in the shower. The shower was nice I would have liked longer but I didn't want to keep Carlisle waiting so I shut the water off. I started to get dressed as I pulled on a pair of jeans I realized that my belly has already grown a lot. I couldn't fit my jeans on. That was going to be a problem I looked through the suitcase of my other clothes and found a navy blue dress. I pulled the dress on and put my hair into a ponytail them brushed my teeth. When I walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway I heard loud harsh whispers though I couldn't make out what they were saying. When I reached Carlisle's office I tapped on the door lightly. The next second he opened the door and invited me in.

"Welcome Bella, please have a seat." He pointed to a large armchair and I sat in it.

Carlisle's face was blank and then he asked

"What are you thinking Bella?" His tone wasn't rude just curious.

"I am thinking lots of things about lots of things, but if you want to know what I am thinking about the baby then I am thinking that I love him and that I will not let anyone harm him or her." I pictured a baby boy in my head for some reason but I didn't know.

"Bella I will not touch or harm your baby without your permission," Carlisle explained.

"Thank you," I whispered I was hugely relieved.

"Bella I am going to be honest with you because I have decided that is the best way to go about things."

I waited for him to continue.

"On the way home from the airport you were very upset you finally fell asleep on the car ride home and while you were asleep I decided it would be best to sedate you."

Ahh, that explained why I didn't remember anything.

"I promise I didn't harm you or the baby."

"Don't worry Carlisle I trust you."

"Thank you, Bella. While you were unconscious I did an ultrasound to see if I could see the baby, unfortunately, I couldn't the membrane was to thick. I know nothing about this baby and it is frowning very fast. If you have chosen to keep this baby it is going to affect your health greatly. You could die Bella." He had a worried look on his face as he told me these things.

"I know and I am truly sorry for the pain I am putting everyone in but I know he is worth it," I said

"Okay if that is how you feel then I will do my best to make this as easy and comfortable as possible." He comforted me.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I am sorry about being such a pain." I apologized

"Don't worry Bella I promise your not a pain."

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Thankfully Carlisle was fast and he handed me a bin. I threw up violently again into the bin. Carlisle handed me a tissue and I wiped my mouth.

"Thank you. I am sorry about that." I whispered.

"There is no need to apologize Bella. When was the last time you were able to keep food down?" Carlisle asked me.

"I am not sure I think Edward would remember that better," I answered honestly.

"Okay I have spoken to him about a few things but I will talk to him later, but now I think he would like to be with you he is waiting outside."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I told him honestly as I stood up and walked to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

I was about to open it but Edward beat me too it when I saw him he pulled me in and hugged me tightly.

"Bella are you okay I am so worried about you." Edward asked worried.

"I am okay I am just so sorry, but I know what I need to do." I told him.

"Okay Bella I will do my best to support you as long as your healthy." He told me.

"Thanks Edward, I love you. Is it okay if I get a drink?" I asked him I was suddenly feeling really thirsty.

"Of course." He told me then he took my hand and together we walked down the stairs.

Edward told me to sit down in the living room and he would bring me some water so I obeyed him and walked into the living room. I felt all eyes on me as I walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa even walking down the stairs had made me tired. The next second Edward walked in, sat down and picked me up onto his lap all in the same move. He handed me the glass of water and I chugged the glass down quickly. The living room was quite Rosalie and Emmet were kissing each other and Alice and Jasper were too. I looked at Edwards beautiful face and stared into his beautiful eyes they were black he needed to hunt.

"Edward you need to hunt." I told him.

"Don't worry about me love you only need to worry about yourself." He told me.

In that moment I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I was glad for the bin that appeared in my hands as I threw up violently at first nothing came and then the little bit of water I drank earlier came up. Carlisle was by my side in an instant and so was Rosalie suddenly all eyes were on me. I didn't want to deal with there questions so I carefully stood up. Rosalie helped stable me and then asked where I was planning on going. I told her I was tried and wanted to try and sleep. I walked out the stairs but stumbled on the top step and found myself tipping backwards then I felt lots of hands put my upright in the same minute Edward picked me up and set me on the bed. We were followed my Carlisle and Rosalie. Carlisle looked concerned.

"Bella are you alright." He asked obviously concerned.

"Yes I'm fine." I told him though I was sure I could tell everyone knew I was lying. I felt terrible all I wanted to do was sleep. No one looked convinced but thankfully they left the room and me and Edward alone.

"Bella" Edward pleaded. "Please don't lie to me I need to know how much pain you are in."

"It's not so bad I just feel week and I am exhausted. Sometimes the baby kicks and it makes my stomach sore but I am okay if it gets bad I will tell you." I told Edward.

"Come on then Bella let's get you to bed he pulled back the covers and I crawled in. Edward tucked me in and lay on top of the coveres next to me. It felt good to have him there it eased my pain. The thought of having no clothes that fit had been bothering me all day I didn't want to ask anyone but it kind of felt necessary and I knew Edward would understand he was my husband after all.

"Edward" I whispered

"Yes love" he responded

"Could you ask Alice to get me some new clothes this baby is growing fast and I already don't fit into any of my jeans." I was kind of embarrassed to say this but I would be more embarrassed having no clothes to wear.

"Of course my love. Now sleep you don't need to worry about anything." He reassured me.

Then he began to hum my lullaby and I soon fell asleep. It was not the best nights sleep I had ever had. My little nudger continued on kicking me but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. When I woke up I was disoriented and called for Edward.

"Edward" I mumbled.

"I am here my love" he replied as he gently rubbed my head and forehead. It felt good to have his cool hands on my face I felt very hot. Then Carlisle and Rosalie were in my bedroom.

"Bella since I can't see the baby I was wondering if you would let me measure you so I could guess how far on you are." Carlisle asked me.

"Of course" I replied as I struggled to push my felt up Edward picked me up and carried me downstairs into the library which had know turned into a medical room.

"It would make it easier for me if you lied down." Carlisle told me as he pointed to a hospital bed.

I walked towards the hospital bed and then Rosalie picked me up and carefully set me down. I was still in the same navy blue dress I wore yesterday so I had to pull my whole dress up for him to measure me. As I pulled my dress up I heard gasps. I looks down to see purple splotches over my already large bump. Carlisle measured me but he did not tell me the measurements out loud. It was then that I looked up at Edwards face and saw pain. "Edward it's going to be just fine you don't need to worry." I tried to comfort him but he gave me no response.

"May I do some other tests on you Bella to see how you are." Carlisle inquired.

"Of course Carlisle"

Carlisle stuck a thermometer in my mouth and left it there for a minute. The room was uncomfortably quite. Then Carlisle pulled out the thermometer and looked at it he looked worried.

"Bella your temperature is 101 degrees" He told me.

"I've had higher. I will be fine" I told him.

Carlisle didn't look convinced. Next he asked me to a few other things like pushing in his hands and following his finger all which were simple.

"Bella can you stand up for me?"

"Of course Carlisle" I told him. Then I felt Rosalie's hands on my back helping me.

"Rose please can you let Bella do it herself I want to see how strong she is" Carlisle told her.

As I tried to stand up by myself I suddenly realized how weak I had become. It took me a long time to stand and bush myself up. I could tell from the look on Edwards face that it pained him to watch me struggle. Finally I was up and standing on two feat although I instantly wanted to lie down again I didn't tell anyone. I felt like my heart was failing me it was beating to fast.

"Come over here Bella and stand on this scale. This scale is special so it will only measure your weight and not the baby's." Carlisle told me.

Again I found myself without help walking towards the scale. It was only a few steps but it was hard and tiring. I stepped onto the scale and Carlisle's face looked instantly worried.

"Bella you have already lost five pounds. If you continue loosing this much weight. You will die before the delivery." Carlisle warned me.

"Then I will hang on for as long as possible and hope that it is long enough."

Then I started wobbling and felt several hands hold me.

"Bella if I am going to try and keep you alive I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me every pain. Any new symptoms and if you need anything at all please ask." Carlisle looked worried as he told me this.

"Okay Carlisle."

"Thank you Bella that should make my life a little easier. How do you feel now?"

"Tired and hungry" I decided not to tell him the pain I was in now if it got bad I would but I was okay for now.

"Okay let's go to the living room. Can you walk by yourself?" He asked me.

I decided that if I said yes and tripped or fell over it would be bad so again I found my self admitting another weakness.

"Edward could you give my your arm please."

"Of course Bella" He told me as he held out his arm. Rosalie held out hers in the next second. I was glad to have something to support me as we walked into the living room. Even with there help though I was still tired. I sat down on the sofa and felt exhausted but I decided not to close my eyes because I would look weak if I needed to sleep all the time.

"Bella what you like to eat?" Esme asked me from the kitchen.

I thought about this question and decided since it was morning I should have eggs.

"Eggs please thank you Esme" My voice was barely a whisper.

Esme brought me in a big plate of scrambled eggs and they looked delicious. I began eating them quickly enjoying every mouthful. When I was finished Esme took my plate back into the kitchen. The living room was quite and awkward. I decided I should say something.

"Did we miss much while we were away?" I directed my question at Alice.

"No life's much less exciting when your around." She responded.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I inhaled a sharp breath.

"Bella, Bella are you okay? What is it?" Edward asked me obviously concerned.

"I'm fine Edward he is just kicking. He is strong that's all." I told him.

Suddenly he jumped up and walked towards Carlisle.

"You need to get this thing out of her" he shouted to Carlisle. "It will kill her. Please get it out of her."

Suddenly Rosalie was up too growling at Edward. Edwards was about to attack Rosalie but Emmet put his hand in between them. It was stressing me out to see them arguing. I couldn't stand the pain I was puttinI g them through. I decided to stand up and get ready I would have a shower and brush my teeth. I felt all eyes on my as I stood up. I pretended not to notice as I attempted to casually walk towards the stairs. I felt several people follow me up the stairs. The arguing has stopped for now. I didn't make it three steps before I felt to exhausted to continue. Edward gently took my hand.

"What do you need Bella?"

"I was just going to use a few human minutes while you were all busy"

"Don't worry Bella I can help you" Rosalie offered.

"It's okay Rosalie I will be okay"

I took another step up the stairs and another before my legs gave in. Before I could make it to the ground I felt Edwards arms pull me up and then he carried up up the rest of the stairs and into the bathroom.

"Bella let us help you please I would hate to see you get hurt."

"I'm fin-"

"Don't say your fine" Edward cut me off.

Carlisle walked into the bathroom with Rosalie behind him.

"Bella I think I cold bath would help get your temperature down"

"Okay"

Then Rosalie turned on the water.

Carlisle left the room but it was awkward having Edward and Rosalie in here with me. When the bath was full Rosalie shut the water of and then Edward began undoing the buttons on my navy blue dress he gasped when he saw my stomach. I looked down and saw that it was even more purple then this morning.

"There just bruises Edward" Rosalie told him.

"JUST BRUISES" Edward shouted.

I decided to climb into the bath and then I felt Edwards hands helping me in. The bath felt nice it was cool but not too cool.

I sat there for a minute and then to my humiliation Carlisle walked in.

"May I take your temperature Bella" Carlisle asked me.

I just nodded my head. He took my temperature and then smiled.

"Your temperature is back to normal now Bella so at least that is a step in the right direction"

Then thankfully Carlisle left.

I felt my eyes slowly closing and didn't try to stop them. The next thing I know I feel cold hands picking me up out of the bath and drying me with a towel. I looked up to see Edward.

"Edward I can do it" I told him.

He just continued in drying me and then dressed me in unfamiliar clothes I guess Alice must have bought be something to fit over my already huge stomach.

Edwards carried me to his room and tucked me into the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep again.

I woke up screaming and then I remembered why I was screaming they had pinned me down and they were trying to take my baby I screamed even louder.

I felt someone rubbing my back in small round circles.

"Shhhhh Bella it's okay I am here" I heard Edwards whisper.

Oh right it was just a dream.

"Are you in pain my love?" He asked me

"No bad dream"

"Will you tell me what it was about?"

"I don't want to remember it" I told him which was partly true but really I just didn't want to tell him. Then I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and I knew I was going to throw up. Edward handed me a bin and all my eggs came up.

Just a few more weeks I told myself I can hang on for just a few more week.

"Bella please this baby is killing you" I looked at Edward and his face was full of pain.

"I am sorry Edward"

Edward didn't say anything he just looked like he was in agony.

Rosalie appeared in the door way and then picked me up and took her to a bathroom I have never been in before.

"Don't worry Bella I will keep you away from him." She told be as she put her hands on my belly.

"Thanks Rosalie" I told her even though I didn't want to be kept away from my husband.

"Bella we are friends now you can call me Rose. I have so many things for you in here Alice and me got lots of clothes that will fit you better."

"Thanks Rose" I told her and then I did the most embarrassing thing I have ever done I threw up all over her.

"I am so sorry I didn't mean too" I desperately apologised.

"It's okay Bella" I could tell she was annoyed. "Let me get in the shower I will get Esme to look after you." I felt like a baby look after me! I didn't need looking after but I didn't say anything. Then Edward appeared at the door.

"That won't be necessary Rose. I am sure I can handle my own wife."

"I will not trust you with her"

I decided to but in.

"It's okay Rose I am just going to get dressed and then I will go downstairs I will see you then" I told her she nodded her head slightly although she didn't look happy.

Edwards carried me to his room. I found a new pair of jeans and a T-shirt on his bed he pointed at them and said "Rosalie got you lots of dresses and clothes I thought you wouldn't like so I got you some jeans."

"Thank you Edwards"

I got dressed with a little help from Edward and then he held my waist while I brushed my teeth.

"All done" he asked me.

"Yes is Rosalie mad at me?"

"She thinks all this throwing up is bad for the baby she wishes you would stop, so do I but for a different reason your loosing weight Bella and it's not good for you."

"I know I just can't help it"

"I know love. Let's go down stairs."

I took his hand and we started to walk down the hallway I only took five steps but I felt week. I remembered what Carlisle said early about asking if I needed anything. I stopped walking and Edwards looked at me.

"Erm Edward" I said shyly

"Yes love"

"I don't think I am going to be able to walk down the stairs it makes me exhausted"

"Say no more love" he told me and then he picked me up and carried me to the living room.

Rosalie was in the living room. She glared at Edward as we sat down and put me on his lap. I sat there staring at his beautiful face I brushed my fingers against his cheek bone.

Again I felt all eyes on me but I tried to ignore everyone.

"Would you like something to eat Bella?" Esme asked me.

"I just brushed my teeth and I am not sure it would stay down anyway but thank you Esme"

"Bella I really need to get some food in you and keep it in you would you be willing to try eating again?" Carlisle asked me.

"I can try Carlisle."

"Okay thanks Bella. What sounds good too you?"

"Anything I really don't care."

"Okay Bella I will see what we have in the kitchen"

"Bella" Edwards whispered in my ear. "How much pain are you in?"

"I'm fine Edward" I told him but he didn't believe me.

"Bella don't lie to me I need to know."

Then Rosalie spoke. "Bella for once I agree with Edward we need to know how much it hurts and where."

"Okay my stomach hurts but that's just his kicking I am fine." Edward lifted up my shirt and pain hit his face as he say my purple and blue belly.

"Bella it's hurting you."

"I'm fine Edward"

Then Carlisle walked into the room. He looked at my belly and sighed.

"Bella this is some very bad bruising." He told me. "Maybe if you lied down your baby would be more comfortable and kick a little less but before you lie down I want to measure you again." I stood up and waited while Carlisle took his measurements. Then when he was done Esme came in with a big plate of food. Edward helped me sit down and Esme handed me the plate of food. The food was delicious and I ate it quickly and then felt very tired. Edward helped me lie down on the sofa. Although I was tried I didn't want to sleep I was glad I could lie down but still be by my family.

Emmet turned the TV on to watch some football game.

Then suddenly I felt Esmee delicious dinner coming back up. I was glad for the bin on the floor. I grabbed it and threw up noisily. I was getting tired of throwing up everything I ate. Edward held my hair out the way as a threw up again. Rosalie handed me a tissue and I wiped my mouth then fell back onto the sofa. I few more weeks I told myself.

I lay back down on the sofa I was a little chilly but I felt fine. Emmet turned on a football game but I was not interested I was thinking about my little nudger. I knew he or she would be beautiful Edward was there father after all. I grew tired and my eyelids closed and then I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of a ringing phone. Someone answered the phone but I wasn't interested in who it was. Edward noticed I had woken.

"Bella honey are you okay" he asked me.

"Yes I am fine how long was I asleep?"

"Ten hours"

My voice rose in alarm "TEN HOURS" suddenly I found myself very panicked I had been sleeping for ten hours and I had only been awake for a few.

"Shhhh Bella it's okay." Edward comforted me

"Bella you can't get stressed you need to stay calm Bella it's not good for the baby." Rosalie chastised me.

I was suddenly very upset I was hurting everyone Edward, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Emmet and I had already hurt Jacob and Charlie and Renee and now I was hurting my baby. I felt a tear roll down my check. I quickly rubbed it away although I new they had all seen it. Edward looked concerned but didn't say anything. Then Esme walked into the room.

"Bella that was Charlie on the phone. He wanted to know where you were. I told him that you were sick so you were staying in the island until you were well enough to travel." Esme told me.

"Charlie is he okay?" He is fine Bella he misses you that's all.

I didn't have anything else to say. I just lay there Emmet put on some romance movie I guess Rosalie told him to but I didn't pay any attention to it. Carlisle did some more tests. He measured my belly and then he listened to my heart his face puckered when he heard it I guessed it wasn't good.

"Bella can you come into the library again I want to weigh you."

"Of course Carlisle."

I tried to stand up but I couldn't I was too weak.

Edward and Rose helped me up then Rose picked me up and carried me to the library. She set me on the scale.

"Bella that's another four pounds you have lost 9 pounds since you have had this baby." Carlisle told me.

I didn't have any thing to say I knew nothing could down play this bad news I was dying and I was dying fast. Rosalie picket me up and sat me down on the sofa.

"This baby is going to be so perfect" she told me. Edward didn't come over to me he just stood in the corner of the room. His face was in agony.

"Rosalie"

"Yes Bella"

"I know that I might die and not be able to live to see my baby. I know Carlisle will do his best and after the baby is born he will change me but if I don't make it look after him for me and tell him how much I love him every single day."

"Of course Bella. I will never let any one hurt him."

After Rosalie said this Edward stormed out of the room. I felt terrible but I couldn't do anything. I spent a few hours sat in silent staring and watching my new family move around the house. It was cool to watch them when they were not trying to put up the pretense of being human. I liked how natural they acted in there large open house. I was never left in the living room alone there was always at least two people in there with me. I am not sure how long I stayed up but I eventually fell asleep. In some ways sleeping was my favorite thing to do. The pain lessened when I was sleeping but it was still there the strong kicks to remind me of my little nudger. I woke up to the touch of Carlisle's icy hands on my forehead.

"Sorry Bella I didn't mean to wake you." He apologized.

"It's fine Carlisle" I told him.

"Since your awake Bella could I measure you again"

"Of course"

In the next second Edward was there and he picked me up and carried me to the library Carlisle measured me and then he pointed to the scale so I stepped up on it. His brow puckered and then he said

"Bella you have lost another three pounds."

I knew this was not good news but there was nothing I could do about it. Carlisle then measured my stomach. I felt so week. Carlisle noticed how week I was.

"Bella are you okay?" He asked me.

"I am fine Carlisle I just feel exhausted"

"Let's go back to the living room"

I began to walk to the living room but I tripped Carlisle helped stable me then Rosalie appeared and carried me to the sofa she lay me down. The atompsphere in the living room was mixed some happy some mad and then there there was Edward who was in pure agony.

"Bella. Would you like something to eat?" Esme asked me.

"I'm okay thank you but a drink would be nice." I told her.

I saw Carlisle's lips pucker at the corners he was annoyed I wasn't trying to eat but he knew as well as I did I would only bring it back up. Esme came in with a glass of water. I drank the water and then Esme took the glass from me and out it in the kitchen. Rosalie stayed standing in front of me as if she was protecting me from something although I wasn't sure what.

I heard a knock at the door and Carlisle answered it. Then I heard a voice I hadn't heard in a long time.

"Hello, Jacob," he said. His voice was calm, "How are you?"

Jacob! Jacob was here!

I heard him so something to Carlisle although I couldn't make out what it was.

Then I heard Carlisle speak.

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time." Carlisle sounded uncomfortable. "Could we do this later?"

I wanted to see Jacob and I didn't want to try and keep him away.

"Why not?" I asked. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?"

My voice sounded all wrong and week.

"Come in, please, Jacob." I told him in a slightly louder voice.

I heard Jake in the hallway speak to Carlisle.

Jacob waited for a long second looking around the room and looking at me. I was terrified for what he would say or do. Then I threw up the water I had just drank. Rosalie handed be a bin. I was so embarrassed throwing up all the time not being able to walk by myself.

"Sorry about that." I told Jake.

Edward moaned and pain ripped through me. I was killing him. He slumped to his knees and put his face on my knees I rubbed my hand in his cheek and tried to comfort him.

Rosalie snarled at Jacob who was walking closer towards me.

"Rose, don't it's fine."

Rosalie moved out of Jacobs way.

"Bella what's wrong?" Jacob whispered to me he looked so sad and hurt. "Are you alright?"

I knew I was not alright so I decided to dodge the question.

"Jacob I am so glad you came to see me."

"What is it Bella?" Jacob asked.

I didn't know how to tell him so I decided the best way would be to show him.

"Help me up Rose"

Rosalie looked like she didn't want to help me up so I asked her again.

"Please Rose"

Rosalie put her arm behind my shoulder and helped me up.

"No don't get up" Jacob whispered.

"I'm answering your question." I told him sharply.

Jacob looked at me for a long time. He was probably wondering how I could be so pregnant in such a short amount of time. Then Edward spoke.

"Outside Jacob"

"Let's do this" Jacob agreed.

"No" I said in the loudest voice I could. I reached forward to stop them and Rosalie was by my side to help me.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella," Edward said in a low voice, talking only to me.

He reached up to touch my face, to stroke it. "Don't strain yourself," he went on, pleading. "Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

I stared at them for a few seconds then looked at Jacob and said "behave and then come back"

After a few minutes Jacob and Edward walked back into the room.

"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his voice. Robotic.

"Over my pile of ashes," Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering over me head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on my cheek.

Edward didn't look at her. "Bella," he said in that same empty tone. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"

I was kind of confused on what he was saying of course I wasn't afraid of Jacob.

"Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward." I told her.

"It might be a trick," she warned warned.

I thought about the for a second and then responded.

"I don't see how"

Then Edward spoke "Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. "We're the ones she's afraid of."

Edward thought I was afraid of him. What had I done I loved Edward I loved him so much but I loved my little nudger.

"No, no Edward I am not..." I couldn't finish my sentence I was heart broken that he thought I was afraid of him.

He shook his head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. "I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Edward said and then he spoke to everyone "everyone" he motioned his head towards the door "please"

Once everyone left Jacob took both of my hands in his and held them. I hadn't noticed how cold I was.

"Thanks Jake, that feels good"

"I'm not going to lie bells your hideous"

"I know" I sighed "I am very scary looking" I decided the best was was to joke about things although it was not funny at all. Jacob found it easier to joke too.

"Thing from the swap scary"

I laughed "it's nice having you here Jacob. I am not sure how much drama I can take"

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Okay okay I agree I bring it in myself"

"Yea you do, what were you thinking seriously" Jacob said his tone a little louder.

"Did he ask you to yell at me?" I questioned.

"Sort of. Though I can't figure out why he things you would listen to me you never have before"

I sighed.

"I told you-" Jacob began but I didn't want to listen to it.

"You know I told you say has a brother his name is shut the hell up" I told him trying to keep my tone joking.

"Good one" Jacob smiled.

"I can't take credit—I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons."

"Missed that one"

Then it went quite I knew the more serious stuff was coming.

"Did he ask you to talk to me?" I asked

He nodded "talk some sense into you there is a battle already lost"

"So why did you agree?" I asked

He didn't answer.

"It will work out you know" I told him "I believe that"

Jacob grew angry and asked "is dementia one of your symptoms"

I laughed "maybe but how could I have lived through all I have lived through and not believe in magic"

"Magic"

"What are you babbling about?"

"Edward told me once what it was like—your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night's Dream, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense."

Jacob looked at me he was angry he growled and then said "If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity . . ." He struggled for words. "Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?" He jabbed a finger in my belly and it hurt and then he said "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die"—the words were a snahrl—"how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care" I flinched but he kept going . "So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."

I sighed. "I don't know yet, Jake. But I just... feel... that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith."

"You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!"

"I'm not going to die," I said through gritted teeth, "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."

"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." Jacob took my face in his hand.

"I can do this. I can do this," she muttered.

"Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have one."

I didn't meet Jacobs eyes as I said "Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean."

"So?"

"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room—they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her. . . ."

I watched Jacob realize what I was saying. "You're not planning on surviving this human," he stated dully

"No. I'm not stupid." I said to him as I looked into his eyes "I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though."

"Emergency vampirization," he mumbled

"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives, he saves them."

"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that" Jacob took a deep breath

"Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him." His voice grew louder "You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?" The thought of Edward going to the voltori killed me he couldn't do that to him.

Jacob made his voice softer then asked "Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?"

Jacob waited a second then said

"You told me to be good and listen to

Carlisle and what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you."

"You listened because it was the right thing to do."

"Okay—pick either reason."

"It's not the right thing now." My gaze touched her big round stomach and i whispered under my breath, "I won't kill him."

"Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."

"I don't know he's a boy," I admitted, a little sheepish. "The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard—like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head."

"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella."

"We'll see," I said. Almost smug.

"You won't," I snarled.

"You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this."

"Jake," I said, and I patted his hair, stroked his cheek. "It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay."

. "No. It will not be okay."

She wiped something wet from my cheek. "Shh."

"What's the deal, Bella?" I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. "I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"

I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldn't change their direction.

She sighed. "It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's... well... this baby."

"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."

"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can—"

"Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it."

I was about to open it but Edward beat me too it when I saw him he pulled me in and hugged me tightly.

"Bella are you okay I am so worried about you." Edward asked worried.

"I am okay I am just so sorry, but I know what I need to do." I told him.

"Okay Bella I will do my best to support you as long as your healthy." He told me.

"Thanks Edward, I love you. Is it okay if I get a drink?" I asked him I was suddenly feeling really thirsty.

"Of course." He told me then he took my hand and together we walked down the stairs.

Edward told me to sit down in the living room and he would bring me some water so I obeyed him and walked into the living room. I felt all eyes on me as I walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa even walking down the stairs had made me tired. The next second Edward walked in, sat down and picked me up onto his lap all in the same move. He handed me the glass of water and I chugged the glass down quickly. The living room was quite Rosalie and Emmet were kissing each other and Alice and Jasper were too. I looked at Edwards beautiful face and stared into his beautiful eyes they were black he needed to hunt.

"Edward you need to hunt." I told him.

"Don't worry about me love you only need to worry about yourself." He told me.

In that moment I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I was glad for the bin that appeared in my hands as I threw up violently at first nothing came and then the little bit of water I drank earlier came up. Carlisle was by my side in an instant and so was Rosalie suddenly all eyes were on me. I didn't want to deal with there questions so I carefully stood up. Rosalie helped stable me and then asked where I was planning on going. I told her I was tried and wanted to try and sleep. I walked out the stairs but stumbled on the top step and found myself tipping backwards then I felt lots of hands put my upright in the same minute Edward picked me up and set me on the bed. We were followed my Carlisle and Rosalie. Carlisle looked concerned.

"Bella are you alright." He asked obviously concerned.

"Yes I'm fine." I told him though I was sure I could tell everyone knew I was lying. I felt terrible all I wanted to do was sleep. No one looked convinced but thankfully they left the room and me and Edward alone.

"Bella" Edward pleaded. "Please don't lie to me I need to know how much pain you are in."

"It's not so bad I just feel week and I am exhausted. Sometimes the baby kicks and it makes my stomach sore but I am okay if it gets bad I will tell you." I told Edward.

"Come on then Bella let's get you to bed he pulled back the covers and I crawled in. Edward tucked me in and lay on top of the coveres next to me. It felt good to have him there it eased my pain. The thought of having no clothes that fit had been bothering me all day I didn't want to ask anyone but it kind of felt necessary and I knew Edward would understand he was my husband after all.

"Edward" I whispered

"Yes love" he responded

"Could you ask Alice to get me some new clothes this baby is growing fast and I already don't fit into any of my jeans." I was kind of embarrassed to say this but I would be more embarrassed having no clothes to wear.

"Of course my love. Now sleep you don't need to worry about anything." He reassured me.

Then he began to hum my lullaby and I soon fell asleep. It was not the best nights sleep I had ever had. My little nudger continued on kicking me but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. When I woke up I was disoriented and called for Edward.

"Edward" I mumbled.

"I am here my love" he replied as he gently rubbed my head and forehead. It felt good to have his cool hands on my face I felt very hot. Then Carlisle and Rosalie were in my bedroom.

"Bella since I can't see the baby I was wondering if you would let me measure you so I could guess how far on you are." Carlisle asked me.

"Of course" I replied as I struggled to push my felt up Edward picked me up and carried me downstairs into the library which had know turned into a medical room.

"It would make it easier for me if you lied down." Carlisle told me as he pointed to a hospital bed.

I walked towards the hospital bed and then Rosalie picked me up and carefully set me down. I was still in the same navy blue dress I wore yesterday so I had to pull my whole dress up for him to measure me. As I pulled my dress up I heard gasps. I looks down to see purple splotches over my already large bump. Carlisle measured me but he did not tell me the measurements out loud. It was then that I looked up at Edwards face and saw pain. "Edward it's going to be just fine you don't need to worry." I tried to comfort him but he gave me no response.

"May I do some other tests on you Bella to see how you are." Carlisle inquired.

"Of course Carlisle"

Carlisle stuck a thermometer in my mouth and left it there for a minute. The room was uncomfortably quite. Then Carlisle pulled out the thermometer and looked at it he looked worried.

"Bella your temperature is 101 degrees" He told me.

"I've had higher. I will be fine" I told him.

Carlisle didn't look convinced. Next he asked me to a few other things like pushing in his hands and following his finger all which were simple.

"Bella can you stand up for me?"

"Of course Carlisle" I told him. Then I felt Rosalie's hands on my back helping me.

"Rose please can you let Bella do it herself I want to see how strong she is" Carlisle told her.

As I tried to stand up by myself I suddenly realized how weak I had become. It took me a long time to stand and bush myself up. I could tell from the look on Edwards face that it pained him to watch me struggle. Finally I was up and standing on two feat although I instantly wanted to lie down again I didn't tell anyone. I felt like my heart was failing me it was beating to fast.

"Come over here Bella and stand on this scale. This scale is special so it will only measure your weight and not the baby's." Carlisle told me.

Again I found myself without help walking towards the scale. It was only a few steps but it was hard and tiring. I stepped onto the scale and Carlisle's face looked instantly worried.

"Bella you have already lost five pounds. If you continue loosing this much weight. You will die before the delivery." Carlisle warned me.

"Then I will hang on for as long as possible and hope that it is long enough."

Then I started wobbling and felt several hands hold me.

"Bella if I am going to try and keep you alive I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me every pain. Any new symptoms and if you need anything at all please ask." Carlisle looked worried as he told me this.

"Okay Carlisle."

"Thank you Bella that should make my life a little easier. How do you feel now?"

"Tired and hungry" I decided not to tell him the pain I was in now if it got bad I would but I was okay for now.

"Okay let's go to the living room. Can you walk by yourself?" He asked me.

I decided that if I said yes and tripped or fell over it would be bad so again I found my self admitting another weakness.

"Edward could you give my your arm please."

"Of course Bella" He told me as he held out his arm. Rosalie held out hers in the next second. I was glad to have something to support me as we walked into the living room. Even with there help though I was still tired. I sat down on the sofa and felt exhausted but I decided not to close my eyes because I would look weak if I needed to sleep all the time.

"Bella what you like to eat?" Esme asked me from the kitchen.

I thought about this question and decided since it was morning I should have eggs.

"Eggs please thank you Esme" My voice was barely a whisper.

Esme brought me in a big plate of scrambled eggs and they looked delicious. I began eating them quickly enjoying every mouthful. When I was finished Esme took my plate back into the kitchen. The living room was quite and awkward. I decided I should say something.

"Did we miss much while we were away?" I directed my question at Alice.

"No life's much less exciting when your around." She responded.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I inhaled a sharp breath.

"Bella, Bella are you okay? What is it?" Edward asked me obviously concerned.

"I'm fine Edward he is just kicking. He is strong that's all." I told him.

Suddenly he jumped up and walked towards Carlisle.

"You need to get this thing out of her" he shouted to Carlisle. "It will kill her. Please get it out of her."

Suddenly Rosalie was up too growling at Edward. Edwards was about to attack Rosalie but Emmet put his hand in between them. It was stressing me out to see them arguing. I couldn't stand the pain I was puttinI g them through. I decided to stand up and get ready I would have a shower and brush my teeth. I felt all eyes on my as I stood up. I pretended not to notice as I attempted to casually walk towards the stairs. I felt several people follow me up the stairs. The arguing has stopped for now. I didn't make it three steps before I felt to exhausted to continue. Edward gently took my hand.

"What do you need Bella?"

"I was just going to use a few human minutes while you were all busy"

"Don't worry Bella I can help you" Rosalie offered.

"It's okay Rosalie I will be okay"

I took another step up the stairs and another before my legs gave in. Before I could make it to the ground I felt Edwards arms pull me up and then he carried up up the rest of the stairs and into the bathroom.

"Bella let us help you please I would hate to see you get hurt."

"I'm fin-"

"Don't say your fine" Edward cut me off.

Carlisle walked into the bathroom with Rosalie behind him.

"Bella I think I cold bath would help get your temperature down"

"Okay"

Then Rosalie turned on the water.

Carlisle left the room but it was awkward having Edward and Rosalie in here with me. When the bath was full Rosalie shut the water of and then Edward began undoing the buttons on my navy blue dress he gasped when he saw my stomach. I looked down and saw that it was even more purple then this morning.

"There just bruises Edward" Rosalie told him.

"JUST BRUISES" Edward shouted.

I decided to climb into the bath and then I felt Edwards hands helping me in. The bath felt nice it was cool but not too cool.

I sat there for a minute and then to my humiliation Carlisle walked in.

"May I take your temperature Bella" Carlisle asked me.

I just nodded my head. He took my temperature and then smiled.

"Your temperature is back to normal now Bella so at least that is a step in the right direction"

Then thankfully Carlisle left.

I felt my eyes slowly closing and didn't try to stop them. The next thing I know I feel cold hands picking me up out of the bath and drying me with a towel. I looked up to see Edward.

"Edward I can do it" I told him.

He just continued in drying me and then dressed me in unfamiliar clothes I guess Alice must have bought be something to fit over my already huge stomach.

Edwards carried me to his room and tucked me into the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep again.

I woke up screaming and then I remembered why I was screaming they had pinned me down and they were trying to take my baby I screamed even louder.

I felt someone rubbing my back in small round circles.

"Shhhhh Bella it's okay I am here" I heard Edwards whisper.

Oh right it was just a dream.

"Are you in pain my love?" He asked me

"No bad dream"

"Will you tell me what it was about?"

"I don't want to remember it" I told him which was partly true but really I just didn't want to tell him. Then I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and I knew I was going to throw up. Edward handed me a bin and all my eggs came up.

Just a few more weeks I told myself I can hang on for just a few more week.

"Bella please this baby is killing you" I looked at Edward and his face was full of pain.

"I am sorry Edward"

Edward didn't say anything he just looked like he was in agony.

Rosalie appeared in the door way and then picked me up and took her to a bathroom I have never been in before.

"Don't worry Bella I will keep you away from him." She told be as she put her hands on my belly.

"Thanks Rosalie" I told her even though I didn't want to be kept away from my husband.

"Bella we are friends now you can call me Rose. I have so many things for you in here Alice and me got lots of clothes that will fit you better."

"Thanks Rose" I told her and then I did the most embarrassing thing I have ever done I threw up all over her.

"I am so sorry I didn't mean too" I desperately apologised.

"It's okay Bella" I could tell she was annoyed. "Let me get in the shower I will get Esme to look after you." I felt like a baby look after me! I didn't need looking after but I didn't say anything. Then Edward appeared at the door.

"That won't be necessary Rose. I am sure I can handle my own wife."

"I will not trust you with her"

I decided to but in.

"It's okay Rose I am just going to get dressed and then I will go downstairs I will see you then" I told her she nodded her head slightly although she didn't look happy.

Edwards carried me to his room. I found a new pair of jeans and a T-shirt on his bed he pointed at them and said "Rosalie got you lots of dresses and clothes I thought you wouldn't like so I got you some jeans."

"Thank you Edwards"

I got dressed with a little help from Edward and then he held my waist while I brushed my teeth.

"All done" he asked me.

"Yes is Rosalie mad at me?"

"She thinks all this throwing up is bad for the baby she wishes you would stop, so do I but for a different reason your loosing weight Bella and it's not good for you."

"I know I just can't help it"

"I know love. Let's go down stairs."

I took his hand and we started to walk down the hallway I only took five steps but I felt week. I remembered what Carlisle said early about asking if I needed anything. I stopped walking and Edwards looked at me.

"Erm Edward" I said shyly

"Yes love"

"I don't think I am going to be able to walk down the stairs it makes me exhausted"

"Say no more love" he told me and then he picked me up and carried me to the living room.

Rosalie was in the living room. She glared at Edward as we sat down and put me on his lap. I sat there staring at his beautiful face I brushed my fingers against his cheek bone.

Again I felt all eyes on me but I tried to ignore everyone.

"Would you like something to eat Bella?" Esme asked me.

"I just brushed my teeth and I am not sure it would stay down anyway but thank you Esme"

"Bella I really need to get some food in you and keep it in you would you be willing to try eating again?" Carlisle asked me.

"I can try Carlisle."

"Okay thanks Bella. What sounds good too you?"

"Anything I really don't care."

"Okay Bella I will see what we have in the kitchen"

"Bella" Edwards whispered in my ear. "How much pain are you in?"

"I'm fine Edward" I told him but he didn't believe me.

"Bella don't lie to me I need to know."

Then Rosalie spoke. "Bella for once I agree with Edward we need to know how much it hurts and where."

"Okay my stomach hurts but that's just his kicking I am fine." Edward lifted up my shirt and pain hit his face as he say my purple and blue belly.

"Bella it's hurting you."

"I'm fine Edward"

Then Carlisle walked into the room. He looked at my belly and sighed.

"Bella this is some very bad bruising." He told me. "Maybe if you lied down your baby would be more comfortable and kick a little less but before you lie down I want to measure you again." I stood up and waited while Carlisle took his measurements. Then when he was done Esme came in with a big plate of food. Edward helped me sit down and Esme handed me the plate of food. The food was delicious and I ate it quickly and then felt very tired. Edward helped me lie down on the sofa. Although I was tried I didn't want to sleep I was glad I could lie down but still be by my family.

Emmet turned the TV on to watch some football game.

Then suddenly I felt Esmee delicious dinner coming back up. I was glad for the bin on the floor. I grabbed it and threw up noisily. I was getting tired of throwing up everything I ate. Edward held my hair out the way as a threw up again. Rosalie handed me a tissue and I wiped my mouth then fell back onto the sofa. I few more weeks I told myself.

I lay back down on the sofa I was a little chilly but I felt fine. Emmet turned on a football game but I was not interested I was thinking about my little nudger. I knew he or she would be beautiful Edward was there father after all. I grew tired and my eyelids closed and then I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of a ringing phone. Someone answered the phone but I wasn't interested in who it was. Edward noticed I had woken.

"Bella honey are you okay" he asked me.

"Yes I am fine how long was I asleep?"

"Ten hours"

My voice rose in alarm "TEN HOURS" suddenly I found myself very panicked I had been sleeping for ten hours and I had only been awake for a few.

"Shhhh Bella it's okay." Edward comforted me

"Bella you can't get stressed you need to stay calm Bella it's not good for the baby." Rosalie chastised me.

I was suddenly very upset I was hurting everyone Edward, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Emmet and I had already hurt Jacob and Charlie and Renee and now I was hurting my baby. I felt a tear roll down my check. I quickly rubbed it away although I new they had all seen it. Edward looked concerned but didn't say anything. Then Esme walked into the room.

"Bella that was Charlie on the phone. He wanted to know where you were. I told him that you were sick so you were staying in the island until you were well enough to travel." Esme told me.

"Charlie is he okay?" He is fine Bella he misses you that's all.

I didn't have anything else to say. I just lay there Emmet put on some romance movie I guess Rosalie told him to but I didn't pay any attention to it. Carlisle did some more tests. He measured my belly and then he listened to my heart his face puckered when he heard it I guessed it wasn't good.

"Bella can you come into the library again I want to weigh you."

"Of course Carlisle."

I tried to stand up but I couldn't I was too weak.

Edward and Rose helped me up then Rose picked me up and carried me to the library. She set me on the scale.

"Bella that's another four pounds you have lost 9 pounds since you have had this baby." Carlisle told me.

I didn't have any thing to say I knew nothing could down play this bad news I was dying and I was dying fast. Rosalie picket me up and sat me down on the sofa.

"This baby is going to be so perfect" she told me. Edward didn't come over to me he just stood in the corner of the room. His face was in agony.

"Rosalie"

"Yes Bella"

"I know that I might die and not be able to live to see my baby. I know Carlisle will do his best and after the baby is born he will change me but if I don't make it look after him for me and tell him how much I love him every single day."

"Of course Bella. I will never let any one hurt him."

After Rosalie said this Edward stormed out of the room. I felt terrible but I couldn't do anything. I spent a few hours sat in silent staring and watching my new family move around the house. It was cool to watch them when they were not trying to put up the pretense of being human. I liked how natural they acted in there large open house. I was never left in the living room alone there was always at least two people in there with me. I am not sure how long I stayed up but I eventually fell asleep. In some ways sleeping was my favorite thing to do. The pain lessened when I was sleeping but it was still there the strong kicks to remind me of my little nudger. I woke up to the touch of Carlisle's icy hands on my forehead.

"Sorry Bella I didn't mean to wake you." He apologized.

"It's fine Carlisle" I told him.

"Since your awake Bella could I measure you again"

"Of course"

In the next second Edward was there and he picked me up and carried me to the library Carlisle measured me and then he pointed to the scale so I stepped up on it. His brow puckered and then he said

"Bella you have lost another three pounds."

I knew this was not good news but there was nothing I could do about it. Carlisle then measured my stomach. I felt so week. Carlisle noticed how week I was.

"Bella are you okay?" He asked me.

"I am fine Carlisle I just feel exhausted"

"Let's go back to the living room"

I began to walk to the living room but I tripped Carlisle helped stable me then Rosalie appeared and carried me to the sofa she lay me down. The atompsphere in the living room was mixed some happy some mad and then there there was Edward who was in pure agony.

"Bella. Would you like something to eat?" Esme asked me.

"I'm okay thank you but a drink would be nice." I told her.

I saw Carlisle's lips pucker at the corners he was annoyed I wasn't trying to eat but he knew as well as I did I would only bring it back up. Esme came in with a glass of water. I drank the water and then Esme took the glass from me and out it in the kitchen. Rosalie stayed standing in front of me as if she was protecting me from something although I wasn't sure what.

I heard a knock at the door and Carlisle answered it. Then I heard a voice I hadn't heard in a long time.

"Hello, Jacob," he said. His voice was calm, "How are you?"

Jacob! Jacob was here!

I heard him so something to Carlisle although I couldn't make out what it was.

Then I heard Carlisle speak.

"Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time." Carlisle sounded uncomfortable. "Could we do this later?"

I wanted to see Jacob and I didn't want to try and keep him away.

"Why not?" I asked. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?"

My voice sounded all wrong and week.

"Come in, please, Jacob." I told him in a slightly louder voice.

I heard Jake in the hallway speak to Carlisle.

Jacob waited for a long second looking around the room and looking at me. I was terrified for what he would say or do. Then I threw up the water I had just drank. Rosalie handed be a bin. I was so embarrassed throwing up all the time not being able to walk by myself.

"Sorry about that." I told Jake.

Edward moaned and pain ripped through me. I was killing him. He slumped to his knees and put his face on my knees I rubbed my hand in his cheek and tried to comfort him.

Rosalie snarled at Jacob who was walking closer towards me.

"Rose, don't it's fine."

Rosalie moved out of Jacobs way.

"Bella what's wrong?" Jacob whispered to me he looked so sad and hurt. "Are you alright?"

I knew I was not alright so I decided to dodge the question.

"Jacob I am so glad you came to see me."

"What is it Bella?" Jacob asked.

I didn't know how to tell him so I decided the best way would be to show him.

"Help me up Rose"

Rosalie looked like she didn't want to help me up so I asked her again.

"Please Rose"

Rosalie put her arm behind my shoulder and helped me up.

"No don't get up" Jacob whispered.

"I'm answering your question." I told him sharply.

Jacob looked at me for a long time. He was probably wondering how I could be so pregnant in such a short amount of time. Then Edward spoke.

"Outside Jacob"

"Let's do this" Jacob agreed.

"No" I said in the loudest voice I could. I reached forward to stop them and Rosalie was by my side to help me.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella," Edward said in a low voice, talking only to me.

He reached up to touch my face, to stroke it. "Don't strain yourself," he went on, pleading. "Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes."

I stared at them for a few seconds then looked at Jacob and said "behave and then come back"

After a few minutes Jacob and Edward walked back into the room.

"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately," Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his voice. Robotic.

"Over my pile of ashes," Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering over me head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on my cheek.

Edward didn't look at her. "Bella," he said in that same empty tone. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"

I was kind of confused on what he was saying of course I wasn't afraid of Jacob.

"Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward." I told her.

"It might be a trick," she warned warned.

I thought about the for a second and then responded.

"I don't see how"

Then Edward spoke "Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie," The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. "We're the ones she's afraid of."

Edward thought I was afraid of him. What had I done I loved Edward I loved him so much but I loved my little nudger.

"No, no Edward I am not..." I couldn't finish my sentence I was heart broken that he thought I was afraid of him.

He shook his head, smiling a little. The smile was painful to look at. "I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Edward said and then he spoke to everyone "everyone" he motioned his head towards the door "please"

Once everyone left Jacob took both of my hands in his and held them. I hadn't noticed how cold I was.

"Thanks Jake, that feels good"

"I'm not going to lie bells your hideous"

"I know" I sighed "I am very scary looking" I decided the best was was to joke about things although it was not funny at all. Jacob found it easier to joke too.

"Thing from the swap scary"

I laughed "it's nice having you here Jacob. I am not sure how much drama I can take"

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Okay okay I agree I bring it in myself"

"Yea you do, what were you thinking seriously" Jacob said his tone a little louder.

"Did he ask you to yell at me?" I questioned.

"Sort of. Though I can't figure out why he things you would listen to me you never have before"

I sighed.

"I told you-" Jacob began but I didn't want to listen to it.

"You know I told you say has a brother his name is shut the hell up" I told him trying to keep my tone joking.

"Good one" Jacob smiled.

"I can't take credit—I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons."

"Missed that one"

Then it went quite I knew the more serious stuff was coming.

"Did he ask you to talk to me?" I asked

He nodded "talk some sense into you there is a battle already lost"

"So why did you agree?" I asked

He didn't answer.

"It will work out you know" I told him "I believe that"

Jacob grew angry and asked "is dementia one of your symptoms"

I laughed "maybe but how could I have lived through all I have lived through and not believe in magic"

"Magic"

"What are you babbling about?"

"Edward told me once what it was like—your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Night's Dream, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense."

Jacob looked at me he was angry he growled and then said "If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity . . ." He struggled for words. "Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?" He jabbed a finger in my belly and it hurt and then he said "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die"—the words were a snahrl—"how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care" I flinched but he kept going . "So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."

I sighed. "I don't know yet, Jake. But I just... feel... that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith."

"You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!"

"I'm not going to die," I said through gritted teeth, "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."

"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." Jacob took my face in his hand.

"I can do this. I can do this," she muttered.

"Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have one."

I didn't meet Jacobs eyes as I said "Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean."

"So?"

"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room—they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her. . . ."

I watched Jacob realize what I was saying. "You're not planning on surviving this human," he stated dully

"No. I'm not stupid." I said to him as I looked into his eyes "I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though."

"Emergency vampirization," he mumbled

"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives, he saves them."

"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that" Jacob took a deep breath

"Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him." His voice grew louder "You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?" The thought of Edward going to the voltori killed me he couldn't do that to him.

Jacob made his voice softer then asked "Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?"

Jacob waited a second then said

"You told me to be good and listen to

Carlisle and what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you."

"You listened because it was the right thing to do."

"Okay—pick either reason."

"It's not the right thing now." My gaze touched her big round stomach and i whispered under my breath, "I won't kill him."

"Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."

"I don't know he's a boy," I admitted, a little sheepish. "The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard—like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head."

"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella."

"We'll see," I said. Almost smug.

"You won't," I snarled.

"You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this."

"Jake," I said, and I patted his hair, stroked his cheek. "It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay."

. "No. It will not be okay."

She wiped something wet from my cheek. "Shh."

"What's the deal, Bella?" I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. "I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"

I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldn't change their direction.

She sighed. "It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's... well... this baby."

"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."

"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can—"

"Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it."


End file.
